Swimming pool noodle, also known as PVC Silon, was only too pleased to be rescued by a passing driver after falling out of the back of his previous owner's pick-up. Silon was betting he was headed nowhere but the dump, or even worse just crushed up in some sewer. Actually, where he is now is in this pool on the smart side of town, no less. Kidney-shaped pool. Diving board. He laments: 'There are no kids sadly except at Christmas when these visitors come from Namibia to see their grandchild. Then the cover comes off and the little guy just loves to float and splash around.' Actually a lot of the time he feels like Michael McIntyre's herbs in the pantry. And not the basil and thyme, either, or even the paprika... more like the dill or tarragon which barely get to see the light of day except when his mistress is trying to impress some high-ups. Silon has struck up a relationship of sorts with pool cleaner, Zodiac, whose vibrating hose every now and then gently collides with him. The hose throws up little waves which are like a kind of massage or rocking chair, helping to ease the blues away. There's also an ambivalent connection with the floating chlorine dispenser but they aren't close owing to the harsh aroma of the chlorine tabs. Since Silon has taken up residence things have changed quite a bit, mainly for the worse: the cover has altered things a lot. 'I remember the doves that pecked around the edge of the pool and the moonsets over the mountain. But that's all history now.' Silon knows that we all have our dreams and hasn't given up on his: to join his ilk in an indoor pool and help with the swim training for kids but in the meantime he consoles himself that at least he's not in the same dead-end as the poor discarded umbrella, cloth torn and lying flat around the side the house. Occasionally he spots the owners lifting a corner of the cover and having a quick wash to save water or to rinse a sports shirt. Silon wants the water restrictions to end just as much as anyone, although worries that pool covers are now a fashion feature, which will take years to fade. He is at pains to stress that rumours that the plastic he's made from contain hormone-disrupting chemicals called phthalates, which have also been linked to asthma, obesity, and lowered IQ in children are just that, rumours.
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