Global heads have had it up to here

Global Investors, the global financial service company with 73 offices globally has recently appointed John Global as Global's global head of global globalisation. Avers Global, 'Global has decided to push its global reach to another level, to effectively embrace the entire globe, no longer restricting itself only to those parts of the globe Global currently finds itself in.' Global's global ambitions have been restricted over the past two years because of a plagiarism case involving one of its previous global heads of global globalisation. Global globalisation head, Gehad al-Haddad, had been falsely accused of plagiarising part of his master’s thesis on globalisation through Global University, Missouri in a dispute with Brad Hadd, an employee of global rival, Global Assets. In the thesis, Brad Hadd, while Gehad al-Haddad had had 'had had', had had 'had’; 'had had' had had Haddad had up incorrectly for plagiarism. The case had dragged on through several courts globally, involving a series of global lawyers, mainly from global law firm, Global Partners. William Globe, Global Partners’ global head of global litigation, in an interview with the Boston Globe said, ‘There was a collective global sigh of relief on the part of all the global players that Haddad and Hadd had agreed to set aside their ‘had had, had had’ dispute. Globe Partners which started life in Globe, Arizona now has offices all around the globe including its new London HQ near Shakespeare's Globe Theatre. Out-reaching all of these global behemoths is Musk Intergalactic Autos, a joint venture established to build autonomous vehicles on Mars. Musk has recently appointed Dr Gil Galactic as his intergalactic head of galactic research to probe opportunities to expand elsewhere in the galaxy.

Mothers tail teenage daughters at night to protect them from predators

Paula Aitchison of Gospel Oak has joined a growing coterie of London Mums who have started tailing their teenage daughters to nightclubs and wine bars around London. Avers Paula: ‘I just can't handle the tension when Candy goes out at night. I don't know what creeps she might meet or when she'll get home. It's better if I just trail around behind and keep her in sight. I mean there are all manner of predators out there.’ The mothers are finding it can be loads of fun changing identities. It's a way of getting in touch with their inner thespians as well as a chance to hang out in some of London's liveliest hotspots. Paula has accumulated a variety of disguises from shops like Only Fools and Peacocks in Stoke Newington. ‘You will be amazed how much you can transform your identity completely with a wig, a prosthetic nose and glasses. Even I don't recognise myself in the mirror before I go out. One night at Boujis in South Ken I got this close to Candy without her even realising it was me.’ She indicates a distance of a couple of feet with her hands. Sometimes Paula uses an architect’s costume, especially for early evening wine bars. ‘A clipboard and construction hat completely alter my image. And I’ve met charming men in some of these places.’ Paula and other mothers rely on Uber to stay on the move. As soon as they see their daughters getting ready to leave, they summon a car and are quickly in place to tail them to their next venue. Paula's husband Mike is not sure how he feels about Paula's night-time antics. He's thinking of contacting a security company to find out about installing bugs and tracking devices on both Paula's and Candy's clothing. ‘Then I don't have to charge around or worry about a thing. I can just track them both all over town and go down the pub with my mates.’