Springboks win prestige Sportswriters' award for conceding possession of the ball

The Rugby Sportswriters' Association has awarded the Springbok rugby team its prize for giving the ball away. In the preamble to the award citation the Sportswriters praise the Springboks for having found 'ever-creative and new ways for ensuring that their opponents regain possession of the ball after losing it.' To any seasoned rugby fan it had became increasingly evident that the Springbok coaching staff was not satisfied with the simple, traditional way of losing possession i.e. booting the ball down the field, down the throat of the opposing full-back or wings. Although there has been a fair share of this, the Springboks have now taken the whole process to a new level. One neatly disguised method is to kick the ball diagonally across the field so that it bounces into touch just a metre away from the touch line. The subtle precision of this move helps to shield the fact that the opponents now have the ball. Another innovation is, instead of repetitively kicking up-and-unders in all weather, the Springboks are also opting to wait for a period when the wind is blowing in their faces. Under such conditions an up-and-under often drifts back in their direction meaning that the opposition has a good chance of gaining the ball without even losing ground. Other variations of the kicking game include grubbers that hit the opponent and bounce back in your direction, having a kick charged down and booting the ball across the field directly to an opponent. The Springboks now save their best efforts at losing possession for games against the All Blacks. Knowing that the All Blacks simply love possession, the Springboks have raised losing the ball to the level of pure art in these games. In addition, when simply kicking the ball away doesn't work as well as it might, they have been working on ways to concede penalties in more technical ways, particularly in mauls, where the referee is called upon to dig deep into his knowledge of the game to pick out the infringement. This subtle technique has required extensive practice but the coaching staff now feels it has perfected it better than any of the other major rugby countries. Says one of the coaching squad: 'South African schoolboys tend not to kick and their infringements are often rather naive. We've had to take this material at the senior level and drill them to kick the ball away creatively and concede penalties without looking as if they are. It's still work in hand but we're incredibly pleased with our progress, this year in particular.'

Trump's virtual hair-ality

There is increasing speculation that Donald Trump's hair may not be real, after all. Earlier in the year, when Trump's campaign was in full swing and he was riding high in the polls, it was alleged the Clinton campaign had put out that his hair was virtual and he was really balding. The stories remained unsubstantiated and the speculation receded from the headlines. However, nobody denies that it has been impossible to get Trump's blond locks into focus and allegations about fake hair or a virtual reality projection have re-emerged in recent days as Trump's campaign has stuttered. Says Anton Le Mesurier, long-time photographer for Associated Press, 'Nobody, and I mean nobody, has got all of Trump's hair into the frame without some blurring. It's VR. There's probably some ex-Google dude who has found a way of projecting hair onto Trump's head so it looks like his dome is fully covered but in reality, there's nothing or very little there.' Many political hacks believe that a bald Trump would have no chance whatever of winning the election. However, with his star waning fast in recent weeks following the first two presidential debates and revelations about his offensive comments about women, it is thought that his campaign management might resort to a last-ditch attempt to re-capture the headlines. 'Trump has entranced a large section of the American public with his forthright views and straight-up criticism of Washington. Why not 'fess up now and take his virtual hair off? A lot of voters will sympathise and admire his honesty,' says one Trump campaign insider. However, only five of 44 elected American presidents have been balding and in recent decades only Eisenhower made it, so a balding Trump would be bucking the odds. It may be a better call to go with a fully shaven head as everyone knows that this is associated with strength and ruthlessness. More likely is that, should Trump still make it to president, he will shave his head completely for Inauguration Day to show the American people and Congress who's boss.

Robert Zimmerman's Nobel - here come Bolan and Stewart

The award of the Nobel prize for literature to Robert Zimmerman is likely just the start of a string of Nobel's for the great pop lyricists. Ramon Saldarriaga, popular music critic for the Chicago Tribune, enthuses: 'This is the start of something big. If they think the poetry in Zimmerman's Idiot Wind, The Early Roman Kings and The Times Are A-Changing is classic, then a whole world opens up for the Nobel Committee.' Speculation is rife about which pop poet will next be elevated to Nobel status. Two towering, timeless pop scribes that immediately leap to mind are Marc Bolan and Rod Stewart. Bolan's Bang A Gong is Shakespearean in ambit, with echoes of Samuel Taylor Coleridge while Rod Stewart's All Right Now, immortalised by rock band Free, just goes unerringly to the heart of the human condition. These great lyrics capture the zeitgeist of the 60s and 70s but are also universal and echo down the passages of time. 'Everyone knows that to be really effective, poetry must be read, or preferably sung, out loud,' says critic James Manson of the Times Literary Supplement. 'Look at Homer - his poems were performed, with the lyre playing the role the guitar does today. The ancient Greeks showed us the way and today's pop lyricists have picked up the thread. Words are meant to be spoken and only the mouth can give them shape.' The Nobel Committee has finally twigged this under Peter Englund, appointed permanent secretary of the Swedish Academy in 2013. After all, who ever reads Nadime Gordimerle or Jaroslav Seifertov, previous winners of the prize, today? Zimmerman, Bolan and Stewart are still wildly popular. Bolan will probably not be considered as he died in 1977, although there have been reports that, like Elvis, he is just taking a break.

Bang a gong

Well you’re dirty and sweet, clad in black

Don’t look back and I love you

You’re dirty and sweet, oh yeah

Well you’re slim and you’re weak

You’ve got the teeth of a hydra upon you

You’re dirty sweet and you’re my girl.

Chorus:

Get it on, bang the gong , get it on

Get it on, bang the gong, get it on

You’re built like a car, you’ve got a hub cap diamond star halo

You’re built like a car, oh yeah

You’re an untamed youth that’s the truth with your cloak full of eagles

You’re dirty sweet and you’re my girl.

All Right Now

There she stood in the street
Smiling from her head to her feet
I said hey what is this
Now maybe baby
Maybe you're in need for a kiss
I said hey what's your name
Maybe we can see things the same
Now don't you wait or hesitate
Let's move before they raise the parking rate

I took her home to my place
Watching every move on her face
She said look what's your game
Are you trying to put me in shame
I said slow don't talk so fast
Don't you think that love can last
She said love Lord above
Now you're trying to trick me in love

All right now
Baby it's all right now
All right now
Baby it's all right now

Who's that girl, watch that girl

Look at that girl
She lives down my street
Who's that girl, w-w-w-watch that girl
Well look at that girl
She lives down my street